Admire me from a distance

The unfathomable reason why this dreamless night prompted me to make an inspirational confession makes me quite perplexed but it also makes me feel like I'm becoming more discerning, more aware of how to warily protect my heart from being smashed once again. 

I, like most of the people, couldn't miss that phase of life, called puberty, which is known to be every parent's nightmare but to be honest, my parents hardly knew when I hit puberty crisis because what I did was the worst thing that a child could do then or the best, I don't even know. But I buried my thoughts and feelings inside and never let anyone help me. I never understood whether it made me emotional to the utmost or resistant to a large degree. Out of this, however, I appeared to be both. Unexpectedly in a way, this inevitably led me to a state of mind which meant believing that my soul has bones. Bones, steady to that point where a single smile could break them and my soul would collapse in anxiety. It was OK until I realised that every time my soul toppled down, it left scratches on my heart. It seems to be quite blurry what happens next so I'm leaping straight to my confession. 

Intimacy frightens me! It scares me to death and I don't even have a crystal clear reason why. I would rather lock myself in an invisible box of prudence while dreaming about a fetterless, emotion-releasing existence with a constant spark of joy and life-gladness.

So admire me from a distance. Not because I am threatening you. Not because I am cold. But because I am fragile. My soul has bones but they are breakable.